I'm IN!

It's so refreshing to be a part of SAI officially now! I'm a sister, and I have a whole lot of them! I love them all in their own weird ways...
I have never had the feeling until now that even when the whole world is crashing in and everything seems to be going in opposite, confusing directions... it will be okay because I have all these girls who are here to love me, support me, and give me confidence. I don't know how I got so lucky to get Tatiana as a big sister. I feel like even if we weren't big & little, we would still be best friends. Not only do we have so much in common; hardworking, clean, silly, black-men loving, aqua & purple, motivators...but also she's just so helpful and supportive. I love her very much.

I need to write a paper now.. I just wanted to remember this happy night during DEAD WEEK! It's been a rough one, but ending quite nicely!
<3

Feeling odd...

It's just one of those days where it feels like the world is spinning off it's axis.
It's been quite a good day, and I'm not my normal "jumping for joy" self. I don't like it very much. Actually today rocked. No theory, pretend keyboarding class that turned into a private lesson, no symphonic band, and the library now carrying Seattle's Best Coffee... hello!? WAKE UP and smell the greatness of today...I also get to sing with my SAI future sisters tonight for our campus wide American Idol kind of thing, where we are the special guest performers for the end of the show.
I feel so out of it.
I think that I am just stressed and tired. I hope.
I remember feeling like today for a whole three months in high school... just uninterested in everything. I don't see how that could ever happen here, but I don't like this feeling.
I know the next time I look at this entry I might consider myself a little crazy, but right now I'm feeling that way.
Okay, I'm spacing out too much to write more.
Time to drink coffee and get focused.

SAI

Can I even begin to pretend to express how amazing my MITing of SAI is going? AMAZING!
These girls make me feel warm inside. These girls, they're real. Real loving, kind, understanding, helpful, funny, happy, amazing people. I've never felt so loved in my life.
I know it's because everyone wants to make us feel great about becoming their sisters, but still. I can see myself 20-30 years down the line laughing and chatting away with these girls.
Amanda W. is the bomb. She's always there for me. She's hilarious. She is very patient with me and these stupid passwords. hahah. She even bakes me cakes and plays in the leaves with me! Tonight we are coloring!
Katie Ruth gives the best hugs ever... awkwardly long, as we say, but neither of us find them awkward at all.- She's my Auntie!
Caroline W. is just the person I strive to be! She's so free-spirited, positive, and motivated. She is a hard worker, is honest, and isn't afraid to embrace her nerdiness.
Brianna loves owls, therefore, I love her... because I love owls.
My big, Tatiana R., is the best. I think a lot of the time she underestimates how great she really is, and sometimes that makes things weird between us. I let her know how much I love her though. :) Partying with her last weekend probably had to be the best yet of this semester. I also look up her a lot. She's so focused and hardworking on her music. She's going to be a great teacher.
Katie P. is my grand-big-sis. She's sooooo funny. I love how honest, and genuine(as she told me I was) she is. Oh yes, she is adorable as well.
I love others as well, but these are the people I'm around most. I'll post about others soon.

MY BROTHER CAME HOME, LIKE FOR GOOD, LAST NIGHT! I can't wait to see him on Friday!!!!!! It's been about two years since I've seen him,and it's been FAR too long!

Government homework, and then coloring... over and out.
<3

SAI- It's for life!

Two Sunday's ago I got a bid for SAI (Sigma Alpha Iota), the professional women's music fraternity. I am so very excited to be a part of their sisterhood... These girls are AWESOME! So kind, smart, talented, and hilarious. My roommate Madeline is one of these girls as well.
This past Sunday, I got my Big Sis! Her name is Tatiana, and she's a percussion major. I am so glad she is my big... she's pretty much a B.A( badass, not bachelor of arts) , and in a lot of ways, kind of like a twin to me. She got me a whole lot of fun stuff, including silly-band rings and skittles(YES), and she's been helping me with theory a bunch this week! Tonight she has a concert, including a solo or two, and I'm going to bring her roses (SAI's flower). I feel like a nerdy tween writing this blog entry, but it's a whole lot of fun which I can't even explain..no seriously, it's secret stuff. ;)
Music is taking over my life, and you know what, I'm not complaining. I love it.
I think I probably wrote that same thing in my last blog post, but it still stands true. I'm working very hard to get better, and become a well-rounded musician.
SO HAPPY!
Anyways, I need to send out some e-mails, go get some free coffee thanks to my old boss from last year, and get to studying.
PEACE OUT!

Throughout the day,
the blue skies make perfect sense,
but when I lay down to sleep,
the world won't stop spinning.

I wish I had some brain windshield wipers,
to clear foggy late night thoughts,
Make a path through the clearing.

You aren't the only one I see,
It's not supposed to be you and me.
You still pull at my heart,
Even though these are broken strings.

Throughout the day,
the blue skies make perfect sense,
but when I lay down to sleep,
the world won't stop spinning.

This hurricane is preaching,
Nothing more than words that will never be said.
I watched for you out the window,
but rain came instead.

Looking through the clouds,
Sun guiding,
I let go of your hand.
I let my arms up in the air, and embraced it.

Throughout the day,
the blue skies make perfect sense,
but when I lay down to sleep,
the world won't stop spinning.

The world won't stop spinning, spinning, spinning.

Short and Sweet.

So instead of writing my Spanish composition, I'm sitting here blogging for the first time this semester. Brr, the goosebumps on my legs are telling me I need to re-locate to a new spot.
Anyways,
First semester of sophomore year, oh my. It's quite an adventure, and an amazing one at that.
Music. It's a life to live, it's a major/minor that will kill you. I'm seriously loving every moment of it, well besides Ms. Brown, and I've never felt so busy in my entire life.
I am so lucky to have so many friends in the dept. to help out and also make it more enjoyable.
,
This whole, "Michael" thing still sticks out in my mind on days when I see him, or see his Phi-Mu-Alpha brothers, but sitting with my friend Allyson, who was broken up with about 3 weeks ago, today I had another one of my self-revelations.
- There's nothing I can do about what happened, more than just appreciate it for what it was. Accepting the fact that hopefully someday the both of us will find others who make us truly happy is necessary. There's no point of being jealous, because
1. it will not change anything, but maybe the chance of friendship that is possible.
2. It's not worth my time because if it was meant to be, there would be no competition; I would be a diamond compared to coal(the other girl).
So what's the verdict? I'm going to continue being happy, because I have been, and be happy for Michael and the girl as well.

Back to my paper... later.

Two Long Crazy Months Later(+1 Day)

Oh life...
Sometimes I wish that for every time I said that my mind took a polaroid picture; I feel like it would be a very interesting album.

I could start off this entry very generically saying about how I dated someone, liked them, and then got heartbroken. I'll save that for later. I've started to truly understand that there are so many more great focus's.

The end of my Freshman year of college was purely amazing. Madeline and I became best friends, for real this time. Between hanging out and somehow getting homework done to successfully going to the gym a lot, she and I found out how simply great we can be for each other. That sounded a little love-letterish, but seriously, I don't regret it because I do honestly LOVE my friends. My sister often expresses her opinion of people using the word "love" too freely, and I know I'm a little guilty of it, but when I think about it, I talk a lot about loving people I genuinely couldn't live without. People who I want to be in my life forever.
I can count these people probably on one hand, but that's the amazing thing about friends as you grow up. It's a lot more about quality rather than quantity.
Growing up I did feel like at times I had a great number of friends. People who I might have shared some pretty fun times with, laughed, sang, and flirted with. Other times in my life, I felt dull because I didn't have so many friends. The reality of it all was that I've always had at least a few TRUE friends.
I am independent, but these people, who support me who support me day in and day out, I'm not sure if I can honestly say I could do this all without them.

During the school year it's a lot to keep up with old friends back home. Patience is something that you must hold tightly to keep relationships in tact. Sometimes it's not about if the other person doesn't have time for you, or if they plainly are just caught up in the new aspects of their lives. Sometimes it's about how to stay friends, you also have to know how to stay apart. Sometimes you just have to let them be themselves and THEN let their new selves be themselves with you. This idea also has a great impact on dating relationships.
My sister told me a few weeks ago this saying that sticks in the front of my mind everyday. It helps me not only have so much tolerance, but even more acceptance than I had before; " As long as you are yourself, no matter where you are, no matter who you are with, I will respect you." - It's such a simple saying, but if you take a deeper look into it, you might realize that it's something that people commonly forget to do. We put on an act to appease people. We try hard because we want to succeed. We want to love, and be loved; It's all pretty common. But for a person to achieve any of this on a true, genuine level, they have to understand that they just have to show who they are when no one is looking. Maybe your pig-snort-laugh isn't the most attractive, but you wouldn't hold back if it was you and just your family, why with anyone else.
The end of the semester was filled with so much rushing, panicking, productiveness, laziness, late night laughing, and partying. I loved every moment of it. Well, besides maybe those last few chapters of Chemistry, and having to leave Murray. I ended up having pretty decent grades, which made my mom happy as ever. Plus, I felt a little less guilty for all the money I'm spending on taking those classes.
Goodbyes were welcomed by happy faces at home though. Let's just say my summer started off with some hookah and a drag show; I could only imagine what was to happen next.
(Here comes the stupid boy story, skip ahead about half a centimeter on the scroll-bar)

And then I started dating Michael. It was a short honeymoon-phase only relationship, but it was good. I wouldn't take it back for the moon. I saw so much about myself through dating him. I learned how to effectively communicate and not be afraid of how my words might affect what might come next. I experienced how it felt to have a balanced amount of effort and feeling. I learned how girls should be treated by their boyfriends, but also how exhausting it can be on the boyfriend. I met an amazing person and I am going to make an effort to keep him in my life, because he is a great friend nevertheless. So after the whole break-up deal, I was sad. I was a little heart-broken if you could call it that, but it was different. For once in my life, I truly felt good just being me. I can see myself for my imperfections, but I am also not blinded to those things that are great that I used to see as weaknesses.
I'm really an attention needer. I seek people out who will give it to me. Sometimes people want to be wanted, needed. I give people my whole attention as well. I treat my friends like I would my children; wanting to help make them happier or easier in any way possible that I can help. Sometimes I do commit a lot of myself, but the phrase "too much" doesn't exist in my mind anymore. You know, in a lot of ways "too much" has escaped my vocab. I used to "love too much", now I just see it as a blessing that I "love SO much" and yes "think too much" used to be up there too, but I have realized that "thinking SO much" is just who I am. I am Kathryn Theresa Reinhardt. Yes, my middle name is spelled with an "h" in it and I'm quite a wisher.
Some people might think wishing counts as one of those "too" phrases for me as well, but "so" works better in my book.
Maybe I'll write soon, but for now I need to rest up for an early inservice in the morning. Until next time..

HAPPPPPY CAPS!

So I have a tendency of only writing on here to relieve stress, but I now am ready to write on here to reflect on happy and great things in my life.
First of all, the sun was shining today; what an amazing gift!
My paper that didn't print wasn't due this morning, and my 8am class let out after about twenty minutes. I studied in the library and found enough change to buy coffee and a donut. Not the healthiest, but definitely tasty.
Work was pretty normal.. I helped set stuff up for all the presentations today, and then I talked to one of my new music friends who I happened to see.
After that was Music Business, which I was kind of just in a daze for because I was stressing about my Spanish oral exam right afterward. I Aced it though! Which started the amazingness of my day. After that I sat in the library and forgot to do work and sat on facebook.
I ended up seeing Erik there and talking to him in person for the first time since we broke up. I'm pretty sure I made him jealous of my life and next semester of college, which felt good, and also to know that we are cool trying to be friends
Then I went and met with my future clarinet teacher about my audition and he gave me advice on how to practice this summer and postponed my audition until the fall! I am so relieved that I don't have to do that during finals week and I have time to get my chops back into shape!
After that I went back to my room and worked on some Spanish and hung out with Lanna, which doesn't seem find to happen a lot these days so that was pretty fun. Following that I got to see ride Blue, my friend Morgan's horse for the second time today...and I got to even experience a canter! Wow! If that's not what you call an adrenaline rush, I'm not sure what is. I also got to learn how to saddle up and give him a bath just in case when I get good I can come out there by myself. :)
I really love riding, it's a lot of fun and also good exercise. I never realized how much leg muscle you have to have to be good at that sport! It's also pretty neat to experience the horse's personality in what he does and reacts to certain situations. :) Blue is such a good horse; I think I might end up loving his stubborn self.
After that was dinner with my friends Madeline(roommate next semester) and Brett. I love them both and hanging with them is always a good time.
Then Madeline and I watched Glee at the gym and worked out which got even more endorphins going!
I am going to bed before 1am, and this is a miracle as well.
All smiles; I'm pretty sure I love my life.
Summer is coming up so soon! Excited and also longing to stay in Murray. I'll be writing soon.. my outlook has taken a turn for the best! <3

Destress....

I can't even function right now.

Everything this week besides last night has just been hell. Thanks Brett for last night, even though I hope you never read this. You're such an amazing friend.

Starting with Erik and I's break up Monday, to last night Lanna telling me she doesn't want to room with me next semester... I can't deal.

I can't think anything more than just to think I'm a terrible person.

I love myself, but at this moment in time I'm feeling pretty terrible about my personality.

I told myself last time I wasn't going to let people affect me like that, but I had just finally gotten to the point where I let down some walls. Too soon I'm guessing.

I strip off a lot of wallpaper when I want someone to know the real me, but this time the actual walls had started to fall. Things never move slow enough.

I just wish one person in my life would just be completely honest with me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. If I knew how I hurt people around me that drives them away, I could work on fixing it. I don't ever mean to cause people pain.

1-2-3

This whole music thing is just the perfectly wrong thing to try to take on right now as well... AUDITIONS!? I've never done one in my life.

Chemistry is still piled up.

It's not Monday... why am I stressing out?

Oh yeah, I have a huge Spanish test tomorrow. Cool.

I feel empty. I feel like it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

I know I'm going to look at this weeks from now and feel ridiculous... but for now, I feel like I have legit reasons to be upset and stressed.

I'm working so hard right now not to take this out on others, and to keep my friendship with Erik. It's about time I grew up and finished my plate on my own. I can do this, it's just a very steep hill, and I keep slipping.

$$$

I hate money. It's just an object but one that causes stress like none other. I hate being broke, this never happens to me.

I am annoyed with my mom calling my brother to tell him about it.

" Get B's in your classes" blah blah blah... Like I'm not trying.. Okay.

I'm so glad that yesterday was good. Erik and I skipped rocks at the lake. :)

He helps me remember that silence can be good, and sometimes it's good not to think at a million miles a minute.

I love this weather. I could bask in it all day... too bad I have classes and tons of homework. I just need to get some chemistry done, and hopefully my news story done...then maybe I'll feel a bit better.

I really need to stop writing on here.

The Quad again.. :D

Today has just been one big ball of stress. Between forgetting my spanish test in my room, being restless all last night, and then realizing I owe the University about $1300 dollars for this semester I was almost about to pull my hair out.

- But I'm on the quad like in the fall. The wind is playing with my hair and my eyes are squinty from the sun. I can feel slight warmth and puppies are plopaying in fresh green grass. I couldn't ask for too much more. I want to go swimming today. I haven't been in a while and I feel like that might be a major stress reliever. The skies are so blue and clouds are just barely in existence.

I can just sit here writing with my headphones in watching people and their love for this weather as much as mine. Shorts, skirts, flip flops, sandals, bikes, hammocks, big sunglasses, and most importantly an amazing mix of noise and silence. Good sounds of laughter and skateboards, not sniffling noses(besides me and these dumb allergies of course) and snow-plows. Summer is almost here. I think that I need to go be active now. I need a spark to happen... I need that fire. Nice is always something great to have, but different is something that is almost a neccesity.

Time to shut my eyes and enjoy for a few. :)

So I've missed writing on here...

Augustana's "Sunday's Best" is playing the background right now. It makes me happy.

I finished all my Spanish homework, and I'm working on my humanities essay atm, along with some reading for that class.

I have so many thoughts just drifting around in my head though, so I thought why not to write them out.

-Lanna and I are drifting apart. I'm not really sure how, or why, but I never see her. She never texts me to hang out...or at all unless I text her first. I understand being busy, but I just don't understand having thirty seconds to give a friendly hello..or a thirty minute conversation over coffee. I am sick of feeling like this, and I feel like a lot of it is just me, but I guess I have high expectations of my friends.

-Lisa and I are a lot closer now. It's so hard to see her so sad and stressed during the week. I can't stand how Gonzo and Morgan treat her. It's not right. I just try to be there for her as much as I can because she is for me.

- Dating someone so close to summer is difficult. Especially when home is so far away from each other.

- I hope my sister gets this job she finds out today if she gets or not.

-I can't wait for my brother to be home this summer. I miss him a lot, and he seems so down right now. I just want to make him smile in person.

- I really could use some coffee right now.

-It's four-thirty. I need to seriously get some process on this paper before the Drag Show at 7pm that my boss is performing in. No one will go with me though...lame.

-I feel like the same thing is going to happen at my boss' party this coming weekend. Super lame.

Back to work, my mind is a little clearer and I've decided that getting coffee now is my best bet at getting through this paper.

A few, very few minutes to spare...

5 weeks left of my freshman year of college; crazy!

I have a new boy, and his name is Erik. He's a cute little country boy from Tennessee that makes me smile a lot.

I am protesting facebook once again this week to get work done and it proved to be affective last night as I got two news stories, a chemistry essay, and a chemistry test finished. I also got slightly started on my humanities paper.

Jesus, I don't understand when I will have a moment for air these next five weeks... I'm guessing this is why my boss warned me to get as much rest as possible on spring break.

Spring break was pretty relaxing since no one was in St.Louis friend-wise at least. I didn't get a lot of work done, but I did get to sleep a lot and enjoy the luxury of St.Louis food.

I am going to work so hard these last few weeks to pull off a good gpa. Erik is just going to have to deal and learn that he has to hang out with me when I am doing homework. lol

Yesterday we played soccer with a bunch of other guys and I made a fool of myself because I've never really played, but I guess we all got a good laugh out of it.

I can't wait until summer, but at the same time, I'm a little torn because of all the people I care about here. But, I mean, boats and pools everyday; it can't get better than that. :)

Time for class. :)

Sometimes I re-read past posts and wonder, " What the hell was I talking about?"
I swear that my brain just comes up with these very "hippie like" sayings and I put them down on here only to forget what they meant later.
Being more literal might be more effective.
I also would like to find different words to replace "anyways..."; it gets a little old after a while.
I hope that someday the critiquing of my own, and others writing gets somewhere in life.

This weather makes me feel not only warm on the outside, but also warm inside. I love it. I'm actually loving it so much, and wanting summer to be here so badly that I'm making a website called loveletterstosummer.webs.com . Hopefully I figure out how to make it possible for others to post on it... That would be awesome.
Time to be productive. :)

Sundays.
I love to write on Sundays.
This weekend has been quite an adventure.
I am seeing myself in a whole new light.
I need to just breathe deeper.
I need to LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!

Life is something that you have to believe, through all the bull-shit and self-doubt, that is purposefully and you, and every other person in yours, has a reason to here.

One week without facebook, and I've successfully caught up with my chemistry class. It's amazing how much time I waste with that site.
I think in facebook status' still, but I don't really have a desire to be on anymore.
-Fresh linen spray is the best invention so far in history. (That would be my status atm)
Tomorrow I'll get back on, but I feel like I've broken the addiction somewhat.

Next weekend my best friend Kathryn is coming to Murray, and I'm so excited for her to see my home away from home. It should be a good time.

Okay, enough for procrastinating. It's back to homework for me, but I'm okay with it. I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm putting life in a different color.
This blog-post signifies change, even though I'm not sure how that might be.
I'm missing, but most importantly, I'm appreciating everything I had back home right now.
This semester is the most difficult so far, out of the two, not by the classwork, but the real life experiences and conclusions I have came to.
I will come out stronger, I will have experience to help others, I will grasp understanding.

Quick!

So, again I'm alone. Wow, that sounds depressing written like that, but honestly, I'm happy.
I'm happy just to have time to be myself. Not to worry about what others think, or how my actions are perceived by someone I'm trying to impress.
I'm just me. I'm blogging, I made a website, and I'm writing again. I love it.
This past weekend with Kathryn was the greatest! Not only did my new best friend Lanna get to meet my 10year friend Kathryn, but I also had a night to just talk to KD and it was like old times. I love the fact that I know that I have at least two or three people in my life that would literally be there for me in any situation. I am so lucky.

Back in the routine...

You have to experience the rain to appreciate the sunshine.

How could we even begin to see the greatness in our lives if we didn't have to fight through the battles as well?
There are so many great aspects in my life that I couldn't even begin to treasure without seeing what it would be like not to have them.

Eric and I called it quits... well, "friends". I'm over it though. Sometimes it takes the relationship to end to realize how superficial and unrealistic it was to work out. I am just thankful for the amazing memories and lessons I got out of it, and possibly a great friend.
This poem by the great Robert Frost has really helped me.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-See it as you like, but I do believe that life is beautiful for all of it's battles, struggles, and imperfections. We just have to live for the moment and appreciate the past.

The best things in our lives are the things we say goodbye to. We all hear saying such as, " What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, " and "You never know what you have until it's gone," and we just roll our eyes because those are words that we all understand, but can not grasp when we are in need of believing them. Life isn't about keeping greatness, it's about learning to appreciate what you have now, and what you had then. Everyday people fall in and out of love, and there is nothing we can do about it but hope that either way, people find joy within their own lives.
Some of the best relationships between two people are kept because of such strong relationships within themselves. - Yes, that's another one of those sayings that people understand but don't truly believe.
I miss all my boys, and I'll include Eric in that because we shared a lot over our 3 weeks together.
I also miss Kathryn, Faith, and Katie because they are my backbone, and I know they will always be there for me.- I know I have said this on several occasions, and I stick to it.
Kathryn is the hardest person to be away from right now, even though she's the person I talk to the most while we are apart. I just feel like our friendship is something that will never be lost, and it's surely something to appreciate.
So now I'm back at my place that I now call home; Murray State.
(Sometimes I feel like this blog is like my 4th grade diary, just a little bit deeper)
Confession time: I've met a new boy already. ;)
It know it's a little ridiculous, and I don't just feel like it's a re-bound thing.
His name is Nash, and he's a really great guy so far.
We have a lot in common, and he knows how to treat women.
We are taking things slow, as in hanging out, but giving each other "me-time". We are getting to know each other, but not giving our whole selves. We are both giving equal effort to see if this is going to work.
I have realized throughout the years liking/loving someone a lot more than if the person makes you smile when you are down, and if the person is fun to be around. It's about that connection that just makes you fit. Sometimes I like to believe there isn't a single word in the English dictionary to describe it, but it's sort of magical. It's a puzzle that takes time to put together, but once you do, it's something that still needs to carefully be glued together and shown respectfully with pride.
I've stopped with my whole, " My hopes are low, and my expectations are high," saying and now It's tranformed into a statement that, " My hopes are high, as well as my expectations." Belief is the glue, and without it, things are going to fall apart. I also believe this theory applies to many other situations in life besides relationships. If you have beliefs in success, and you hold yourself to high expectations, life might just take you by surprise.

My life is not revolving around boys though. I've heard the saying that nothing matters without love, and I believe it to a certain extent. I also believe that love comes in many other forms, such as the love of writing, and the love of learning. The love for my friends and family is pretty significant in my life as well.

Back to the title of this blog, in short, I'm back to the routine of things at school, and it feels good. I love my friends here, I love my school, and most importantly(the lesson of this entry) I'm loving myself....in a non-conceited way. ;)

Happy New Year!

It's a new year! I'm at the point in my life where I'm not wishing for change, but I'm wishing for consistency. I'm wishing for patience and trust that all things must have purpose.
I'm believing in myself, I'm believing in others, and most importantly I'm believing in the idea of believing.[That word sure gets exhausting after typing it so many times] If you have a positive outlook on how things can work out, you are more likely to give life your 100% effort.

This is going to be a great year, and I don't have a lot more to say than that.

Eric makes me very happy and I've had an amazing break.
New Year's Eve is sometimes a good holiday.