School has been absolutely insane, mostly awesomely insane!
Classes are good, but I'm not going to write about them really because they aren't really on my mind right now. Just know that I'm taking 19 hours and it is quite a load.
SAI has been kind of stressful this semester, but we had a good, emotional meeting tonight that was very beneficial toward our fraternity.
This past week was one of the best of college and maybe of my entire life. i met someone named Nate Beam, who even though he was already in a relationship, I took a chance to really get to know. Over the course of the week, both of us had shared so many things about ourselves that no one else knows and experienced so many fun times. I even got to go out to the country and shoot a machine-looking bb-gun! It was amazing! I loved every second of it, well, for the most part. It was quite interesting to be played so hot and cold, between his feelings for me and his girlfriend. I subconsciously knew that we would never be more than friends, but had false hope that it might go somewhere. His girlfriend came to town this past weekend and they figured things out. I was pretty upset when I figured this out on my own, cried a good amount, definitely more than I thought I would. I felt like it was just another attempt at something that didn't work out, but then saw that it was a good thing, because I could still have hope that if I was that other girl, I would be able to keep my long-term relationship over just two people having a great week. So I was a big girl and I went to talk to him about it.
We talked, I teared up a bit, but I stayed strong. I told him how I felt, how much it hurt, but how strangely I still wanted to be his best friend. I know that I should hate him for leading me on, or for not picking me, but I don't. I don't hate him one bit, and I can't wait to have a constant best friend in my life I can just talk to about things and have a good time with. I don't think anyone else will ever understand, but as long as him and I do, that's all that matters.
As I have said so many times on this blog, friendships are better than boyfriend/girlfriend relationships anyways( NO I AM NOT A PATHETIC SINGLE PERSON ANYONE WHO READS THIS THINKING SO) because it is just so much more pure and free of pressure. If you are friends, that's it. Plain and simple. You may be wondering how I'm over such a week of pure hope and risk all with a single conversation of closer, and I truly can not tell you. I just know that I have met one amazing person and I hope to keep them in my life, and it doesn't matter to me that it isn't in a romantic way. Life is about so much more than having someone to cuddle with at night, or someone who will tell you that you are beautiful. Life is about having people that you can count on and that can make you grow as a person. You have to have people that will challenge you and make you question things that you may have just taken for granted. This is Nate to me. He may never truly understand how great this experience was for me, but I have grown up a lot from the younger Kathy.
Over and out. Time to catch some ZZZ's! More to write later!
