Oh life...
Sometimes I wish that for every time I said that my mind took a polaroid picture; I feel like it would be a very interesting album.
I could start off this entry very generically saying about how I dated someone, liked them, and then got heartbroken. I'll save that for later. I've started to truly understand that there are so many more great focus's.
The end of my Freshman year of college was purely amazing. Madeline and I became best friends, for real this time. Between hanging out and somehow getting homework done to successfully going to the gym a lot, she and I found out how simply great we can be for each other. That sounded a little love-letterish, but seriously, I don't regret it because I do honestly LOVE my friends. My sister often expresses her opinion of people using the word "love" too freely, and I know I'm a little guilty of it, but when I think about it, I talk a lot about loving people I genuinely couldn't live without. People who I want to be in my life forever.
I can count these people probably on one hand, but that's the amazing thing about friends as you grow up. It's a lot more about quality rather than quantity.
Growing up I did feel like at times I had a great number of friends. People who I might have shared some pretty fun times with, laughed, sang, and flirted with. Other times in my life, I felt dull because I didn't have so many friends. The reality of it all was that I've always had at least a few TRUE friends.
I am independent, but these people, who support me who support me day in and day out, I'm not sure if I can honestly say I could do this all without them.
During the school year it's a lot to keep up with old friends back home. Patience is something that you must hold tightly to keep relationships in tact. Sometimes it's not about if the other person doesn't have time for you, or if they plainly are just caught up in the new aspects of their lives. Sometimes it's about how to stay friends, you also have to know how to stay apart. Sometimes you just have to let them be themselves and THEN let their new selves be themselves with you. This idea also has a great impact on dating relationships.
My sister told me a few weeks ago this saying that sticks in the front of my mind everyday. It helps me not only have so much tolerance, but even more acceptance than I had before; " As long as you are yourself, no matter where you are, no matter who you are with, I will respect you." - It's such a simple saying, but if you take a deeper look into it, you might realize that it's something that people commonly forget to do. We put on an act to appease people. We try hard because we want to succeed. We want to love, and be loved; It's all pretty common. But for a person to achieve any of this on a true, genuine level, they have to understand that they just have to show who they are when no one is looking. Maybe your pig-snort-laugh isn't the most attractive, but you wouldn't hold back if it was you and just your family, why with anyone else.
The end of the semester was filled with so much rushing, panicking, productiveness, laziness, late night laughing, and partying. I loved every moment of it. Well, besides maybe those last few chapters of Chemistry, and having to leave Murray. I ended up having pretty decent grades, which made my mom happy as ever. Plus, I felt a little less guilty for all the money I'm spending on taking those classes.
Goodbyes were welcomed by happy faces at home though. Let's just say my summer started off with some hookah and a drag show; I could only imagine what was to happen next.
(Here comes the stupid boy story, skip ahead about half a centimeter on the scroll-bar)
And then I started dating Michael. It was a short honeymoon-phase only relationship, but it was good. I wouldn't take it back for the moon. I saw so much about myself through dating him. I learned how to effectively communicate and not be afraid of how my words might affect what might come next. I experienced how it felt to have a balanced amount of effort and feeling. I learned how girls should be treated by their boyfriends, but also how exhausting it can be on the boyfriend. I met an amazing person and I am going to make an effort to keep him in my life, because he is a great friend nevertheless. So after the whole break-up deal, I was sad. I was a little heart-broken if you could call it that, but it was different. For once in my life, I truly felt good just being me. I can see myself for my imperfections, but I am also not blinded to those things that are great that I used to see as weaknesses.
I'm really an attention needer. I seek people out who will give it to me. Sometimes people want to be wanted, needed. I give people my whole attention as well. I treat my friends like I would my children; wanting to help make them happier or easier in any way possible that I can help. Sometimes I do commit a lot of myself, but the phrase "too much" doesn't exist in my mind anymore. You know, in a lot of ways "too much" has escaped my vocab. I used to "love too much", now I just see it as a blessing that I "love SO much" and yes "think too much" used to be up there too, but I have realized that "thinking SO much" is just who I am. I am Kathryn Theresa Reinhardt. Yes, my middle name is spelled with an "h" in it and I'm quite a wisher.
Some people might think wishing counts as one of those "too" phrases for me as well, but "so" works better in my book.
Maybe I'll write soon, but for now I need to rest up for an early inservice in the morning. Until next time..
