Labor Day Weekend

Music is consuming all my time.
I still love college.
I found out a lot of things this weekend.
1. Road trips are amazing, but it's expensive for sure.
-It's easy to put 1000 miles on your car when you're having fun.
2.Tattoos are amazing, and very good bonding experiences.
-They are also very painful and addicting.
3. Saint Louis is not longer my home, Murray feels more natural now, and that's strange. I love just being here.
-How can this happen in the matter of about a month?
4. I will always be more of an optimist than a realist.
-I always believe in the best, and don't pay attention to what could go wrong.
5. Life is not about settling, it's about striving for better.
- I know that he's out there somewhere.
6. Procrastinating is not the answer to college.
-Homework has poorer quality after 2am.
7. Outdoors is so much better than indoors.
-The quad is the place to be.
8.Be open to meeting new people, but don't throw your whole self in at first.
-To really get to know someone, you need to take things slow.
9. My roommate is amazing. I'm picking up her Chicago accent.
-a's are pronounced very differently.
10. Life is about knowing when to hold tight and when to have a loose grip.

I believe in words, phrases, sentences, and sayings. I love the idea of effective written communication. I enjoy meeting people who feel the same way about it. I am so amazed people share similar passions.

I am pushing myself hard. Sleep is not something that I try to get enough of. I want to live out my day as much as possible.
I should work out more. I don't really need someone to do it with me... it would just be nice.

Time for a morning nap. :) I'll write soon.

I'm sitting on the quad with my new college friend Ana(ah-nah).
I love this place; Kentucky, Murray, The Quad. <3

I feel like the most of who I really am here.
I'm a studious cookie eating, bubble blowing, picture taking, friend making, music lovin', coffee drinking, partying, tattoo obsessed student.
It's time for the world to follow what's happening in my life, because this is good. This is real good.
I'm ready to learn more about everything around me and even myself.

This paper for English is killing me, but at the same time, I love it.
I need some inspiration though.

This week should be amazing, and next weekend as well: TRUMAN! woot!
Best friends, road trip, tattoos, and birthdays= awesome!

Back to the paper. :)
I'll write again soon.

The first to many college posts...

So, I'm sitting here in my finally fully decorated dorm drinking coffee and blogging while procrastinating to re-check my math homework for tomorrow.
-Yeah, this is kind of how I imagined college.
Meeting tons of new people, loving new faces, and laughing really hard.
-Yeah, this is definitely how I im
Wishing my friends from home were here pretty much every night.
-Not this bad.
I know things will get better. I know that it takes time to make relationships like before, but it's hard. I don't really complain, because I'm not sure who to complain to.
My roommate Alyssa, whom I love, is always talking about how much she misses her boyfriend, and I feel bad. I don't want to seem like I'm competing on who is hurting more.
(I just noticed this entry is very contradictory to the title of my entire blog-site.) ;)

On the brighter side of things, my professors are hilarious, well at least their first and second impressions were good to me. I feel like having homework is a pain, but it will keep me focused. I even found some nerdy friends who have committed to studying late with me.

Also, again about my roommate, I think she is awesome. We don't hang out all the time, but when we do, we have a good time. We are both very open, and we know each other's boundaries. We both buy food, and share. We stay up late laughing and talking in bed when we should be sleeping.

I love my bed, even though it's so high up. hehe. I forget I'm in a totally different place sometimes when I just lay here with my eyes closed. :)

That's all as for now, this weekend has pretty much been the longest weekend ever. :)

Sleep needs to come like the rain on my roof panels. Heavy and fast.

I can't stop.

My body is on a 20 hour g0-cycle.

I feel restless.

I feel like there are a million things I should be doing all the time.

I can't stop thinking about all the things that could potentially be bad, but at the current moment, I can't do anything about.

It's so late; why am I not asleep like everyone else?

I need to be up early tomorrow.

Deep breaths.

I'm on auto-pilot.

Is it Aug.12 yet?

Maybe I'll sleep while I'm in Chicago this coming week.

In and out.

My head is spinning. POUNDING!

I'm not only thinking about him, like a dumb girl, but I'm also thinking about her.

I can't leave with unfinished business, but I don't have the strength to face her alone. I'm not sure how else it would even be feasible though. She wouldn't open it. Either way it's going to be a cry-fest. It hurts even thinking about having a conversation with her. Why did she have to screw everything up? I think I'm a terrible person for saying it like that, but that's how I feel. If she wouldn't had started hanging with the wrong crowd, doing bad things, and blowing off the things that had been constant in her life, such as her true friends and her family, we would still be friends. We would both being going away to college in the fall, promising to keep in touch. All I want now is to stay out of touch. I'm miserable for feeling this way.

I'm starting to realize that this whole "him" thing was all in my head. It was never meant to be anything but a temporary smile in life. It's a reminder that I would very much appreciate a relationship, and I need to stop being so afraid to open up and feel in front of boys. The fear of the hurt can not be worse than the fear of being alone.

One month from today, I'll be moving on. Moving out of state, out of the comfort zone, out of consistency. I'm all on my own. It's time to "Live, Learn, Love"(to which I can not figure out who the artist to this song is).

My fingers tremble with anticipation and at the same time anxiety.

Deep breaths. In and out.

Yeah, pretty much I'm insane.

Change at it's highest and lowest.

It's hard sometimes. It's hard to see life moving and changing around you. People changing especially. It's a part of getting older though. As Meredith on Grey's Anatomy narrated on the show, " We get older, we grow taller, but we don't grow up."

It's so true. We all keep our childish behaviors and needs as we get older. I myself, find days when I crave to swing high on swings, and eat purple popsicles until my lips change colors. I still have puppy-crushes, and I still chase boys too. I have gotten older, maybe a little wiser, but still, I'm not grown up.

Maybe the fact that we never grow up helps us deal with change. It helps keep our ideas young and fresh. We have experiences that we try to learn from, and we grow stronger from having to deal with difference situations.

LIfe is unpredictable too. From one day to the next, uncertainty keeps us on our toes. It's something to embrace and it's also something to be thankful for. How boring would life be if you didn't have to hide from the police sometimes because your headlight goes out and they are just looking to give someone a ticket? What would life be like if you knew who the next person you were going to kiss would be?

There would be no risk-taking in life, because you would already know what would happen. Without the adrenaline of risk-taking and awaiting the unpredictable, we are just humans who follow the pattern of life.

Impossible to love it is, without awaiting changes within ourselves, and unpredictibility of others.

You never know when you might fall for someone. Maybe it's the first time you meet someone, and you've never felt more at home. Even if it really isn't meant to work out, maybe experiences like this teach us what the real ones might feel like.

Those moments we are held tight and lips gently brush our ears are irreplaceable. We are told how our eyes shine and we have the cutest laugh. It's so hard to not want to let go. It's so hard right now to realize that my one special night was nothing more because of many circumstances. To have a reminder of this person hung in my face daily is going to be difficult. I need a distraction.

It's not only the ending, but also the beginning.

This week has been incredible. A time in my life that I will always remember.
My brother, John, and my his wife/my sister-in-law, who are stationed by the U.S Air Force in England, came into town last Friday.
We spent all week doing St. Louis things such as going to Union Station to watch those genius' make delicious fudge at the fudgery, to getting "belly bombers" aka White Castles at 2am.
Sometimes when you live here it's easy to forget all the great things about this city.
There are so many diverse neighborhoods, so many amazing family owned restaurants and touristy attractions that can still be fun if you live here. I mean, who doesn't love hanging out at the Arch riverfront every once in a while?
And to think of how much the city has grown and improved, it's unbelievable.

I not only loved that aspect of this week, but also the family time I got to take part. It was so nice to just have a girl's night in, or a night of barbeque and Ted Drew's and be with people I really care about.
Today was the most extravagant day of all, graduation day. I finally felt jittery and nervous. Ready, but timid. John and Jessica left, everyone else in the world came. It was a little overwheming at times, but really great. It feels good to have so many people proud of you for completing something. I have had so much support over the past four years, and it really showed at this party. I mean, even if people could only stop by to say hi and leave, they stopped by and came in. It said a lot for me. It meant much more valuable than the money and gifts that I recieved.
The night ended with a trip to Walmart with my sister that lasted about an hour to get two things that we picked out in the first ten minutes. Ridiculous! I feel as if they should definitely hold their employees to a higher standard and get some organization in that place. It's a mad house.
Now I'm going to pass out.
'Till next time.
Love,
One of the newest college freshmen

So close to change!

Life has been crazy lately.
I run through all the emotions that exist through a matter of days.
It's kind of nuts to think about, but I think that this is my brain's way of dealing with the ending of this chapter of life.
I understand that I need to live my life to the fullest right now, because I will never experience this again, but I am ready to be done. I am ready to move on, move out, and grow up.
I love the people in my life right now. I feel like this summer might be awesome, despite all the working. I'll make the best of it.
I can't wait for my brother and his wife to come to St.Louis for my graduation! My sister will be here too!
I just heard that Sesame Street has a HIV positive character. What is the world coming to?
I need to do work, I'll write soon.