Two Long Crazy Months Later(+1 Day)

Oh life...
Sometimes I wish that for every time I said that my mind took a polaroid picture; I feel like it would be a very interesting album.

I could start off this entry very generically saying about how I dated someone, liked them, and then got heartbroken. I'll save that for later. I've started to truly understand that there are so many more great focus's.

The end of my Freshman year of college was purely amazing. Madeline and I became best friends, for real this time. Between hanging out and somehow getting homework done to successfully going to the gym a lot, she and I found out how simply great we can be for each other. That sounded a little love-letterish, but seriously, I don't regret it because I do honestly LOVE my friends. My sister often expresses her opinion of people using the word "love" too freely, and I know I'm a little guilty of it, but when I think about it, I talk a lot about loving people I genuinely couldn't live without. People who I want to be in my life forever.
I can count these people probably on one hand, but that's the amazing thing about friends as you grow up. It's a lot more about quality rather than quantity.
Growing up I did feel like at times I had a great number of friends. People who I might have shared some pretty fun times with, laughed, sang, and flirted with. Other times in my life, I felt dull because I didn't have so many friends. The reality of it all was that I've always had at least a few TRUE friends.
I am independent, but these people, who support me who support me day in and day out, I'm not sure if I can honestly say I could do this all without them.

During the school year it's a lot to keep up with old friends back home. Patience is something that you must hold tightly to keep relationships in tact. Sometimes it's not about if the other person doesn't have time for you, or if they plainly are just caught up in the new aspects of their lives. Sometimes it's about how to stay friends, you also have to know how to stay apart. Sometimes you just have to let them be themselves and THEN let their new selves be themselves with you. This idea also has a great impact on dating relationships.
My sister told me a few weeks ago this saying that sticks in the front of my mind everyday. It helps me not only have so much tolerance, but even more acceptance than I had before; " As long as you are yourself, no matter where you are, no matter who you are with, I will respect you." - It's such a simple saying, but if you take a deeper look into it, you might realize that it's something that people commonly forget to do. We put on an act to appease people. We try hard because we want to succeed. We want to love, and be loved; It's all pretty common. But for a person to achieve any of this on a true, genuine level, they have to understand that they just have to show who they are when no one is looking. Maybe your pig-snort-laugh isn't the most attractive, but you wouldn't hold back if it was you and just your family, why with anyone else.
The end of the semester was filled with so much rushing, panicking, productiveness, laziness, late night laughing, and partying. I loved every moment of it. Well, besides maybe those last few chapters of Chemistry, and having to leave Murray. I ended up having pretty decent grades, which made my mom happy as ever. Plus, I felt a little less guilty for all the money I'm spending on taking those classes.
Goodbyes were welcomed by happy faces at home though. Let's just say my summer started off with some hookah and a drag show; I could only imagine what was to happen next.
(Here comes the stupid boy story, skip ahead about half a centimeter on the scroll-bar)

And then I started dating Michael. It was a short honeymoon-phase only relationship, but it was good. I wouldn't take it back for the moon. I saw so much about myself through dating him. I learned how to effectively communicate and not be afraid of how my words might affect what might come next. I experienced how it felt to have a balanced amount of effort and feeling. I learned how girls should be treated by their boyfriends, but also how exhausting it can be on the boyfriend. I met an amazing person and I am going to make an effort to keep him in my life, because he is a great friend nevertheless. So after the whole break-up deal, I was sad. I was a little heart-broken if you could call it that, but it was different. For once in my life, I truly felt good just being me. I can see myself for my imperfections, but I am also not blinded to those things that are great that I used to see as weaknesses.
I'm really an attention needer. I seek people out who will give it to me. Sometimes people want to be wanted, needed. I give people my whole attention as well. I treat my friends like I would my children; wanting to help make them happier or easier in any way possible that I can help. Sometimes I do commit a lot of myself, but the phrase "too much" doesn't exist in my mind anymore. You know, in a lot of ways "too much" has escaped my vocab. I used to "love too much", now I just see it as a blessing that I "love SO much" and yes "think too much" used to be up there too, but I have realized that "thinking SO much" is just who I am. I am Kathryn Theresa Reinhardt. Yes, my middle name is spelled with an "h" in it and I'm quite a wisher.
Some people might think wishing counts as one of those "too" phrases for me as well, but "so" works better in my book.
Maybe I'll write soon, but for now I need to rest up for an early inservice in the morning. Until next time..

HAPPPPPY CAPS!

So I have a tendency of only writing on here to relieve stress, but I now am ready to write on here to reflect on happy and great things in my life.
First of all, the sun was shining today; what an amazing gift!
My paper that didn't print wasn't due this morning, and my 8am class let out after about twenty minutes. I studied in the library and found enough change to buy coffee and a donut. Not the healthiest, but definitely tasty.
Work was pretty normal.. I helped set stuff up for all the presentations today, and then I talked to one of my new music friends who I happened to see.
After that was Music Business, which I was kind of just in a daze for because I was stressing about my Spanish oral exam right afterward. I Aced it though! Which started the amazingness of my day. After that I sat in the library and forgot to do work and sat on facebook.
I ended up seeing Erik there and talking to him in person for the first time since we broke up. I'm pretty sure I made him jealous of my life and next semester of college, which felt good, and also to know that we are cool trying to be friends
Then I went and met with my future clarinet teacher about my audition and he gave me advice on how to practice this summer and postponed my audition until the fall! I am so relieved that I don't have to do that during finals week and I have time to get my chops back into shape!
After that I went back to my room and worked on some Spanish and hung out with Lanna, which doesn't seem find to happen a lot these days so that was pretty fun. Following that I got to see ride Blue, my friend Morgan's horse for the second time today...and I got to even experience a canter! Wow! If that's not what you call an adrenaline rush, I'm not sure what is. I also got to learn how to saddle up and give him a bath just in case when I get good I can come out there by myself. :)
I really love riding, it's a lot of fun and also good exercise. I never realized how much leg muscle you have to have to be good at that sport! It's also pretty neat to experience the horse's personality in what he does and reacts to certain situations. :) Blue is such a good horse; I think I might end up loving his stubborn self.
After that was dinner with my friends Madeline(roommate next semester) and Brett. I love them both and hanging with them is always a good time.
Then Madeline and I watched Glee at the gym and worked out which got even more endorphins going!
I am going to bed before 1am, and this is a miracle as well.
All smiles; I'm pretty sure I love my life.
Summer is coming up so soon! Excited and also longing to stay in Murray. I'll be writing soon.. my outlook has taken a turn for the best! <3

Destress....

I can't even function right now.

Everything this week besides last night has just been hell. Thanks Brett for last night, even though I hope you never read this. You're such an amazing friend.

Starting with Erik and I's break up Monday, to last night Lanna telling me she doesn't want to room with me next semester... I can't deal.

I can't think anything more than just to think I'm a terrible person.

I love myself, but at this moment in time I'm feeling pretty terrible about my personality.

I told myself last time I wasn't going to let people affect me like that, but I had just finally gotten to the point where I let down some walls. Too soon I'm guessing.

I strip off a lot of wallpaper when I want someone to know the real me, but this time the actual walls had started to fall. Things never move slow enough.

I just wish one person in my life would just be completely honest with me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. If I knew how I hurt people around me that drives them away, I could work on fixing it. I don't ever mean to cause people pain.

1-2-3

This whole music thing is just the perfectly wrong thing to try to take on right now as well... AUDITIONS!? I've never done one in my life.

Chemistry is still piled up.

It's not Monday... why am I stressing out?

Oh yeah, I have a huge Spanish test tomorrow. Cool.

I feel empty. I feel like it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

I know I'm going to look at this weeks from now and feel ridiculous... but for now, I feel like I have legit reasons to be upset and stressed.

I'm working so hard right now not to take this out on others, and to keep my friendship with Erik. It's about time I grew up and finished my plate on my own. I can do this, it's just a very steep hill, and I keep slipping.

$$$

I hate money. It's just an object but one that causes stress like none other. I hate being broke, this never happens to me.

I am annoyed with my mom calling my brother to tell him about it.

" Get B's in your classes" blah blah blah... Like I'm not trying.. Okay.

I'm so glad that yesterday was good. Erik and I skipped rocks at the lake. :)

He helps me remember that silence can be good, and sometimes it's good not to think at a million miles a minute.

I love this weather. I could bask in it all day... too bad I have classes and tons of homework. I just need to get some chemistry done, and hopefully my news story done...then maybe I'll feel a bit better.

I really need to stop writing on here.

The Quad again.. :D

Today has just been one big ball of stress. Between forgetting my spanish test in my room, being restless all last night, and then realizing I owe the University about $1300 dollars for this semester I was almost about to pull my hair out.

- But I'm on the quad like in the fall. The wind is playing with my hair and my eyes are squinty from the sun. I can feel slight warmth and puppies are plopaying in fresh green grass. I couldn't ask for too much more. I want to go swimming today. I haven't been in a while and I feel like that might be a major stress reliever. The skies are so blue and clouds are just barely in existence.

I can just sit here writing with my headphones in watching people and their love for this weather as much as mine. Shorts, skirts, flip flops, sandals, bikes, hammocks, big sunglasses, and most importantly an amazing mix of noise and silence. Good sounds of laughter and skateboards, not sniffling noses(besides me and these dumb allergies of course) and snow-plows. Summer is almost here. I think that I need to go be active now. I need a spark to happen... I need that fire. Nice is always something great to have, but different is something that is almost a neccesity.

Time to shut my eyes and enjoy for a few. :)

So I've missed writing on here...

Augustana's "Sunday's Best" is playing the background right now. It makes me happy.

I finished all my Spanish homework, and I'm working on my humanities essay atm, along with some reading for that class.

I have so many thoughts just drifting around in my head though, so I thought why not to write them out.

-Lanna and I are drifting apart. I'm not really sure how, or why, but I never see her. She never texts me to hang out...or at all unless I text her first. I understand being busy, but I just don't understand having thirty seconds to give a friendly hello..or a thirty minute conversation over coffee. I am sick of feeling like this, and I feel like a lot of it is just me, but I guess I have high expectations of my friends.

-Lisa and I are a lot closer now. It's so hard to see her so sad and stressed during the week. I can't stand how Gonzo and Morgan treat her. It's not right. I just try to be there for her as much as I can because she is for me.

- Dating someone so close to summer is difficult. Especially when home is so far away from each other.

- I hope my sister gets this job she finds out today if she gets or not.

-I can't wait for my brother to be home this summer. I miss him a lot, and he seems so down right now. I just want to make him smile in person.

- I really could use some coffee right now.

-It's four-thirty. I need to seriously get some process on this paper before the Drag Show at 7pm that my boss is performing in. No one will go with me though...lame.

-I feel like the same thing is going to happen at my boss' party this coming weekend. Super lame.

Back to work, my mind is a little clearer and I've decided that getting coffee now is my best bet at getting through this paper.

A few, very few minutes to spare...

5 weeks left of my freshman year of college; crazy!

I have a new boy, and his name is Erik. He's a cute little country boy from Tennessee that makes me smile a lot.

I am protesting facebook once again this week to get work done and it proved to be affective last night as I got two news stories, a chemistry essay, and a chemistry test finished. I also got slightly started on my humanities paper.

Jesus, I don't understand when I will have a moment for air these next five weeks... I'm guessing this is why my boss warned me to get as much rest as possible on spring break.

Spring break was pretty relaxing since no one was in St.Louis friend-wise at least. I didn't get a lot of work done, but I did get to sleep a lot and enjoy the luxury of St.Louis food.

I am going to work so hard these last few weeks to pull off a good gpa. Erik is just going to have to deal and learn that he has to hang out with me when I am doing homework. lol

Yesterday we played soccer with a bunch of other guys and I made a fool of myself because I've never really played, but I guess we all got a good laugh out of it.

I can't wait until summer, but at the same time, I'm a little torn because of all the people I care about here. But, I mean, boats and pools everyday; it can't get better than that. :)

Time for class. :)