The Quad again.. :D

Today has just been one big ball of stress. Between forgetting my spanish test in my room, being restless all last night, and then realizing I owe the University about $1300 dollars for this semester I was almost about to pull my hair out.

- But I'm on the quad like in the fall. The wind is playing with my hair and my eyes are squinty from the sun. I can feel slight warmth and puppies are plopaying in fresh green grass. I couldn't ask for too much more. I want to go swimming today. I haven't been in a while and I feel like that might be a major stress reliever. The skies are so blue and clouds are just barely in existence.

I can just sit here writing with my headphones in watching people and their love for this weather as much as mine. Shorts, skirts, flip flops, sandals, bikes, hammocks, big sunglasses, and most importantly an amazing mix of noise and silence. Good sounds of laughter and skateboards, not sniffling noses(besides me and these dumb allergies of course) and snow-plows. Summer is almost here. I think that I need to go be active now. I need a spark to happen... I need that fire. Nice is always something great to have, but different is something that is almost a neccesity.

Time to shut my eyes and enjoy for a few. :)

So I've missed writing on here...

Augustana's "Sunday's Best" is playing the background right now. It makes me happy.

I finished all my Spanish homework, and I'm working on my humanities essay atm, along with some reading for that class.

I have so many thoughts just drifting around in my head though, so I thought why not to write them out.

-Lanna and I are drifting apart. I'm not really sure how, or why, but I never see her. She never texts me to hang out...or at all unless I text her first. I understand being busy, but I just don't understand having thirty seconds to give a friendly hello..or a thirty minute conversation over coffee. I am sick of feeling like this, and I feel like a lot of it is just me, but I guess I have high expectations of my friends.

-Lisa and I are a lot closer now. It's so hard to see her so sad and stressed during the week. I can't stand how Gonzo and Morgan treat her. It's not right. I just try to be there for her as much as I can because she is for me.

- Dating someone so close to summer is difficult. Especially when home is so far away from each other.

- I hope my sister gets this job she finds out today if she gets or not.

-I can't wait for my brother to be home this summer. I miss him a lot, and he seems so down right now. I just want to make him smile in person.

- I really could use some coffee right now.

-It's four-thirty. I need to seriously get some process on this paper before the Drag Show at 7pm that my boss is performing in. No one will go with me though...lame.

-I feel like the same thing is going to happen at my boss' party this coming weekend. Super lame.

Back to work, my mind is a little clearer and I've decided that getting coffee now is my best bet at getting through this paper.

A few, very few minutes to spare...

5 weeks left of my freshman year of college; crazy!

I have a new boy, and his name is Erik. He's a cute little country boy from Tennessee that makes me smile a lot.

I am protesting facebook once again this week to get work done and it proved to be affective last night as I got two news stories, a chemistry essay, and a chemistry test finished. I also got slightly started on my humanities paper.

Jesus, I don't understand when I will have a moment for air these next five weeks... I'm guessing this is why my boss warned me to get as much rest as possible on spring break.

Spring break was pretty relaxing since no one was in St.Louis friend-wise at least. I didn't get a lot of work done, but I did get to sleep a lot and enjoy the luxury of St.Louis food.

I am going to work so hard these last few weeks to pull off a good gpa. Erik is just going to have to deal and learn that he has to hang out with me when I am doing homework. lol

Yesterday we played soccer with a bunch of other guys and I made a fool of myself because I've never really played, but I guess we all got a good laugh out of it.

I can't wait until summer, but at the same time, I'm a little torn because of all the people I care about here. But, I mean, boats and pools everyday; it can't get better than that. :)

Time for class. :)

Sometimes I re-read past posts and wonder, " What the hell was I talking about?"
I swear that my brain just comes up with these very "hippie like" sayings and I put them down on here only to forget what they meant later.
Being more literal might be more effective.
I also would like to find different words to replace "anyways..."; it gets a little old after a while.
I hope that someday the critiquing of my own, and others writing gets somewhere in life.

This weather makes me feel not only warm on the outside, but also warm inside. I love it. I'm actually loving it so much, and wanting summer to be here so badly that I'm making a website called loveletterstosummer.webs.com . Hopefully I figure out how to make it possible for others to post on it... That would be awesome.
Time to be productive. :)

Sundays.
I love to write on Sundays.
This weekend has been quite an adventure.
I am seeing myself in a whole new light.
I need to just breathe deeper.
I need to LIVE FOR THE MOMENT!

Life is something that you have to believe, through all the bull-shit and self-doubt, that is purposefully and you, and every other person in yours, has a reason to here.

One week without facebook, and I've successfully caught up with my chemistry class. It's amazing how much time I waste with that site.
I think in facebook status' still, but I don't really have a desire to be on anymore.
-Fresh linen spray is the best invention so far in history. (That would be my status atm)
Tomorrow I'll get back on, but I feel like I've broken the addiction somewhat.

Next weekend my best friend Kathryn is coming to Murray, and I'm so excited for her to see my home away from home. It should be a good time.

Okay, enough for procrastinating. It's back to homework for me, but I'm okay with it. I'm growing, I'm learning, and I'm putting life in a different color.
This blog-post signifies change, even though I'm not sure how that might be.
I'm missing, but most importantly, I'm appreciating everything I had back home right now.
This semester is the most difficult so far, out of the two, not by the classwork, but the real life experiences and conclusions I have came to.
I will come out stronger, I will have experience to help others, I will grasp understanding.

Quick!

So, again I'm alone. Wow, that sounds depressing written like that, but honestly, I'm happy.
I'm happy just to have time to be myself. Not to worry about what others think, or how my actions are perceived by someone I'm trying to impress.
I'm just me. I'm blogging, I made a website, and I'm writing again. I love it.
This past weekend with Kathryn was the greatest! Not only did my new best friend Lanna get to meet my 10year friend Kathryn, but I also had a night to just talk to KD and it was like old times. I love the fact that I know that I have at least two or three people in my life that would literally be there for me in any situation. I am so lucky.

Back in the routine...

You have to experience the rain to appreciate the sunshine.

How could we even begin to see the greatness in our lives if we didn't have to fight through the battles as well?
There are so many great aspects in my life that I couldn't even begin to treasure without seeing what it would be like not to have them.

Eric and I called it quits... well, "friends". I'm over it though. Sometimes it takes the relationship to end to realize how superficial and unrealistic it was to work out. I am just thankful for the amazing memories and lessons I got out of it, and possibly a great friend.
This poem by the great Robert Frost has really helped me.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-See it as you like, but I do believe that life is beautiful for all of it's battles, struggles, and imperfections. We just have to live for the moment and appreciate the past.

The best things in our lives are the things we say goodbye to. We all hear saying such as, " What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, " and "You never know what you have until it's gone," and we just roll our eyes because those are words that we all understand, but can not grasp when we are in need of believing them. Life isn't about keeping greatness, it's about learning to appreciate what you have now, and what you had then. Everyday people fall in and out of love, and there is nothing we can do about it but hope that either way, people find joy within their own lives.
Some of the best relationships between two people are kept because of such strong relationships within themselves. - Yes, that's another one of those sayings that people understand but don't truly believe.
I miss all my boys, and I'll include Eric in that because we shared a lot over our 3 weeks together.
I also miss Kathryn, Faith, and Katie because they are my backbone, and I know they will always be there for me.- I know I have said this on several occasions, and I stick to it.
Kathryn is the hardest person to be away from right now, even though she's the person I talk to the most while we are apart. I just feel like our friendship is something that will never be lost, and it's surely something to appreciate.
So now I'm back at my place that I now call home; Murray State.
(Sometimes I feel like this blog is like my 4th grade diary, just a little bit deeper)
Confession time: I've met a new boy already. ;)
It know it's a little ridiculous, and I don't just feel like it's a re-bound thing.
His name is Nash, and he's a really great guy so far.
We have a lot in common, and he knows how to treat women.
We are taking things slow, as in hanging out, but giving each other "me-time". We are getting to know each other, but not giving our whole selves. We are both giving equal effort to see if this is going to work.
I have realized throughout the years liking/loving someone a lot more than if the person makes you smile when you are down, and if the person is fun to be around. It's about that connection that just makes you fit. Sometimes I like to believe there isn't a single word in the English dictionary to describe it, but it's sort of magical. It's a puzzle that takes time to put together, but once you do, it's something that still needs to carefully be glued together and shown respectfully with pride.
I've stopped with my whole, " My hopes are low, and my expectations are high," saying and now It's tranformed into a statement that, " My hopes are high, as well as my expectations." Belief is the glue, and without it, things are going to fall apart. I also believe this theory applies to many other situations in life besides relationships. If you have beliefs in success, and you hold yourself to high expectations, life might just take you by surprise.

My life is not revolving around boys though. I've heard the saying that nothing matters without love, and I believe it to a certain extent. I also believe that love comes in many other forms, such as the love of writing, and the love of learning. The love for my friends and family is pretty significant in my life as well.

Back to the title of this blog, in short, I'm back to the routine of things at school, and it feels good. I love my friends here, I love my school, and most importantly(the lesson of this entry) I'm loving myself....in a non-conceited way. ;)