So, again I'm alone. Wow, that sounds depressing written like that, but honestly, I'm happy.
I'm happy just to have time to be myself. Not to worry about what others think, or how my actions are perceived by someone I'm trying to impress.
I'm just me. I'm blogging, I made a website, and I'm writing again. I love it.
This past weekend with Kathryn was the greatest! Not only did my new best friend Lanna get to meet my 10year friend Kathryn, but I also had a night to just talk to KD and it was like old times. I love the fact that I know that I have at least two or three people in my life that would literally be there for me in any situation. I am so lucky.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Back in the routine...
You have to experience the rain to appreciate the sunshine.
How could we even begin to see the greatness in our lives if we didn't have to fight through the battles as well?
There are so many great aspects in my life that I couldn't even begin to treasure without seeing what it would be like not to have them.
Eric and I called it quits... well, "friends". I'm over it though. Sometimes it takes the relationship to end to realize how superficial and unrealistic it was to work out. I am just thankful for the amazing memories and lessons I got out of it, and possibly a great friend.
This poem by the great Robert Frost has really helped me.
Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-See it as you like, but I do believe that life is beautiful for all of it's battles, struggles, and imperfections. We just have to live for the moment and appreciate the past.
The best things in our lives are the things we say goodbye to. We all hear saying such as, " What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, " and "You never know what you have until it's gone," and we just roll our eyes because those are words that we all understand, but can not grasp when we are in need of believing them. Life isn't about keeping greatness, it's about learning to appreciate what you have now, and what you had then. Everyday people fall in and out of love, and there is nothing we can do about it but hope that either way, people find joy within their own lives.
Some of the best relationships between two people are kept because of such strong relationships within themselves. - Yes, that's another one of those sayings that people understand but don't truly believe.
I miss all my boys, and I'll include Eric in that because we shared a lot over our 3 weeks together.
I also miss Kathryn, Faith, and Katie because they are my backbone, and I know they will always be there for me.- I know I have said this on several occasions, and I stick to it.
Kathryn is the hardest person to be away from right now, even though she's the person I talk to the most while we are apart. I just feel like our friendship is something that will never be lost, and it's surely something to appreciate.
So now I'm back at my place that I now call home; Murray State.
(Sometimes I feel like this blog is like my 4th grade diary, just a little bit deeper)
Confession time: I've met a new boy already. ;)
It know it's a little ridiculous, and I don't just feel like it's a re-bound thing.
His name is Nash, and he's a really great guy so far.
We have a lot in common, and he knows how to treat women.
We are taking things slow, as in hanging out, but giving each other "me-time". We are getting to know each other, but not giving our whole selves. We are both giving equal effort to see if this is going to work.
I have realized throughout the years liking/loving someone a lot more than if the person makes you smile when you are down, and if the person is fun to be around. It's about that connection that just makes you fit. Sometimes I like to believe there isn't a single word in the English dictionary to describe it, but it's sort of magical. It's a puzzle that takes time to put together, but once you do, it's something that still needs to carefully be glued together and shown respectfully with pride.
I've stopped with my whole, " My hopes are low, and my expectations are high," saying and now It's tranformed into a statement that, " My hopes are high, as well as my expectations." Belief is the glue, and without it, things are going to fall apart. I also believe this theory applies to many other situations in life besides relationships. If you have beliefs in success, and you hold yourself to high expectations, life might just take you by surprise.
My life is not revolving around boys though. I've heard the saying that nothing matters without love, and I believe it to a certain extent. I also believe that love comes in many other forms, such as the love of writing, and the love of learning. The love for my friends and family is pretty significant in my life as well.
Back to the title of this blog, in short, I'm back to the routine of things at school, and it feels good. I love my friends here, I love my school, and most importantly(the lesson of this entry) I'm loving myself....in a non-conceited way. ;)
How could we even begin to see the greatness in our lives if we didn't have to fight through the battles as well?
There are so many great aspects in my life that I couldn't even begin to treasure without seeing what it would be like not to have them.
Eric and I called it quits... well, "friends". I'm over it though. Sometimes it takes the relationship to end to realize how superficial and unrealistic it was to work out. I am just thankful for the amazing memories and lessons I got out of it, and possibly a great friend.
This poem by the great Robert Frost has really helped me.
Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
-See it as you like, but I do believe that life is beautiful for all of it's battles, struggles, and imperfections. We just have to live for the moment and appreciate the past.
The best things in our lives are the things we say goodbye to. We all hear saying such as, " What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, " and "You never know what you have until it's gone," and we just roll our eyes because those are words that we all understand, but can not grasp when we are in need of believing them. Life isn't about keeping greatness, it's about learning to appreciate what you have now, and what you had then. Everyday people fall in and out of love, and there is nothing we can do about it but hope that either way, people find joy within their own lives.
Some of the best relationships between two people are kept because of such strong relationships within themselves. - Yes, that's another one of those sayings that people understand but don't truly believe.
I miss all my boys, and I'll include Eric in that because we shared a lot over our 3 weeks together.
I also miss Kathryn, Faith, and Katie because they are my backbone, and I know they will always be there for me.- I know I have said this on several occasions, and I stick to it.
Kathryn is the hardest person to be away from right now, even though she's the person I talk to the most while we are apart. I just feel like our friendship is something that will never be lost, and it's surely something to appreciate.
So now I'm back at my place that I now call home; Murray State.
(Sometimes I feel like this blog is like my 4th grade diary, just a little bit deeper)
Confession time: I've met a new boy already. ;)
It know it's a little ridiculous, and I don't just feel like it's a re-bound thing.
His name is Nash, and he's a really great guy so far.
We have a lot in common, and he knows how to treat women.
We are taking things slow, as in hanging out, but giving each other "me-time". We are getting to know each other, but not giving our whole selves. We are both giving equal effort to see if this is going to work.
I have realized throughout the years liking/loving someone a lot more than if the person makes you smile when you are down, and if the person is fun to be around. It's about that connection that just makes you fit. Sometimes I like to believe there isn't a single word in the English dictionary to describe it, but it's sort of magical. It's a puzzle that takes time to put together, but once you do, it's something that still needs to carefully be glued together and shown respectfully with pride.
I've stopped with my whole, " My hopes are low, and my expectations are high," saying and now It's tranformed into a statement that, " My hopes are high, as well as my expectations." Belief is the glue, and without it, things are going to fall apart. I also believe this theory applies to many other situations in life besides relationships. If you have beliefs in success, and you hold yourself to high expectations, life might just take you by surprise.
My life is not revolving around boys though. I've heard the saying that nothing matters without love, and I believe it to a certain extent. I also believe that love comes in many other forms, such as the love of writing, and the love of learning. The love for my friends and family is pretty significant in my life as well.
Back to the title of this blog, in short, I'm back to the routine of things at school, and it feels good. I love my friends here, I love my school, and most importantly(the lesson of this entry) I'm loving myself....in a non-conceited way. ;)
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
It's a new year! I'm at the point in my life where I'm not wishing for change, but I'm wishing for consistency. I'm wishing for patience and trust that all things must have purpose.
I'm believing in myself, I'm believing in others, and most importantly I'm believing in the idea of believing.[That word sure gets exhausting after typing it so many times] If you have a positive outlook on how things can work out, you are more likely to give life your 100% effort.
This is going to be a great year, and I don't have a lot more to say than that.
Eric makes me very happy and I've had an amazing break.
New Year's Eve is sometimes a good holiday.
I'm believing in myself, I'm believing in others, and most importantly I'm believing in the idea of believing.[That word sure gets exhausting after typing it so many times] If you have a positive outlook on how things can work out, you are more likely to give life your 100% effort.
This is going to be a great year, and I don't have a lot more to say than that.
Eric makes me very happy and I've had an amazing break.
New Year's Eve is sometimes a good holiday.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
It amazes me to read my past posts and see how fast life changes.
I'm so over those feelings I had before; my new boy made it so easy.
He's a lot more perfect, and he's never a jerk. We talk everything out, and we have similar philosophy's on life. He's very intelligent, actually quite a nerd, and I think that if anything, we can be amazing friends. It's hard sometimes, to just give him my all because I know in 3 weeks, we will go our separate ways 6 hours from each other. We've talked about it, and we are willing to give it the best shot we have. Right now, I'm in that stage where it's still butterflies and laughter. It's perfect and I love it. I'm living in the moment, and trying not to let the future affect it.
It's a light rain out tonight, and it's a nice sound to fall asleep to.
I'm a little shaky right now for many reasons. One might be the insane amounts of coffee I've had. Another being the happiness inside me right now. The last reason being because I'm tired.
I know a lot about happiness and realized tonight that spreading it globally is what I want to create an organization to do so.
Hooka Bars are great and very relaxing. It's such a nice atmosphere to just be with people you care about and want to have a good time with.
My heart is racing, I wish that it would slow down so that I could sleep.
Time to shut my laptop and listen to some Missy Higgins. Sleep.
I'm so over those feelings I had before; my new boy made it so easy.
He's a lot more perfect, and he's never a jerk. We talk everything out, and we have similar philosophy's on life. He's very intelligent, actually quite a nerd, and I think that if anything, we can be amazing friends. It's hard sometimes, to just give him my all because I know in 3 weeks, we will go our separate ways 6 hours from each other. We've talked about it, and we are willing to give it the best shot we have. Right now, I'm in that stage where it's still butterflies and laughter. It's perfect and I love it. I'm living in the moment, and trying not to let the future affect it.
It's a light rain out tonight, and it's a nice sound to fall asleep to.
I'm a little shaky right now for many reasons. One might be the insane amounts of coffee I've had. Another being the happiness inside me right now. The last reason being because I'm tired.
I know a lot about happiness and realized tonight that spreading it globally is what I want to create an organization to do so.
Hooka Bars are great and very relaxing. It's such a nice atmosphere to just be with people you care about and want to have a good time with.
My heart is racing, I wish that it would slow down so that I could sleep.
Time to shut my laptop and listen to some Missy Higgins. Sleep.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Home again...
Life isn't so much a box of chocolates... it isn't always sweet.
Yes, this is exactly the opposite of the title of my blog, but in order to find happiness, you have to weed out the pessimist within yourself.
He turned out to not be who I expected, or at least not under stress. I pulled the "friends" move, and now I miss him. I'm not really sure if this is how it's supposed to feel, but it does.
I miss Murray in general, and my Murray family. It's not even been a full 7 days yet. I think I talk about school too much when I'm home.
Then there is this other guy. He's kind of perfect seeming too. I'm beginning to realize that first impressions are not the best things to judge. He makes me smile for sure. I'm just going to play life as it comes.
Kathryn is the best friend anyone could ever ask for and I learn so much about myself through talking with her. We've been friends for 10 years now, and I wouldn't take one back. She is always there for me, and I'm always there for her. It's so nice to know that she's there.
I am trying to breathe deep. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my time at home.
I can't wait for everyone to get home Friday.
It's pretty late for me, but I'm still not tired. My brain is moving too fast to relax. I'm going to close my eyes and try to think of days when I was younger and so pure. I want to dream of my grandparents apartment. I can almost remember the smell and I can vividly remember the sounds. Time for sleep.
Yes, this is exactly the opposite of the title of my blog, but in order to find happiness, you have to weed out the pessimist within yourself.
He turned out to not be who I expected, or at least not under stress. I pulled the "friends" move, and now I miss him. I'm not really sure if this is how it's supposed to feel, but it does.
I miss Murray in general, and my Murray family. It's not even been a full 7 days yet. I think I talk about school too much when I'm home.
Then there is this other guy. He's kind of perfect seeming too. I'm beginning to realize that first impressions are not the best things to judge. He makes me smile for sure. I'm just going to play life as it comes.
Kathryn is the best friend anyone could ever ask for and I learn so much about myself through talking with her. We've been friends for 10 years now, and I wouldn't take one back. She is always there for me, and I'm always there for her. It's so nice to know that she's there.
I am trying to breathe deep. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my time at home.
I can't wait for everyone to get home Friday.
It's pretty late for me, but I'm still not tired. My brain is moving too fast to relax. I'm going to close my eyes and try to think of days when I was younger and so pure. I want to dream of my grandparents apartment. I can almost remember the smell and I can vividly remember the sounds. Time for sleep.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
First semester is almost over.
It's really hard to write for fun in college, but I mean, writing is always fun. ;)
I think this one has potential. He is funny, a jerk in a good way, and really cute. He tries to act tough, but he shows me respect. I am trying not to fall yet, but sometimes I just can't help it. I denied that I liked him for so long... just to find out that he liked me too. Pretty much makes me smile a lot.
I wish that we could hang out on this break, but I know a little distance will be good. I did spend pretty much a full 24 hours with him before I came home.
Okay, enough about that.
I'm great by myself. I picked out classes for next semester and besides the times they are at, they seem pretty amazing. You can't get everything you want. :)
My group of friends amazes me everyday with how great and supportive they are. I feel like I can depend on all of them easily. As Lanna would put it, we are one great big dysfunctional loving family. Hehe.
It's nice to be home with my Saint Louis friends though. They are great too. I couldn't live without them, and catching up with them makes me light up.
The holidays are here; enjoy!
It's really hard to write for fun in college, but I mean, writing is always fun. ;)
I think this one has potential. He is funny, a jerk in a good way, and really cute. He tries to act tough, but he shows me respect. I am trying not to fall yet, but sometimes I just can't help it. I denied that I liked him for so long... just to find out that he liked me too. Pretty much makes me smile a lot.
I wish that we could hang out on this break, but I know a little distance will be good. I did spend pretty much a full 24 hours with him before I came home.
Okay, enough about that.
I'm great by myself. I picked out classes for next semester and besides the times they are at, they seem pretty amazing. You can't get everything you want. :)
My group of friends amazes me everyday with how great and supportive they are. I feel like I can depend on all of them easily. As Lanna would put it, we are one great big dysfunctional loving family. Hehe.
It's nice to be home with my Saint Louis friends though. They are great too. I couldn't live without them, and catching up with them makes me light up.
The holidays are here; enjoy!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
-brief
I finally cried for the first time in college yesterday.
It wasn't over a boy either.
It was because it's so hard to see my brother and sister going through such difficult times in their lives, and I can't do anything to make it better. I want to see them happy again. I want to see their smiling faces. I miss them.
My days are stressful, but with people whom I care about mostly. I have learned to talk out issues, to start dealing with my roommate's passive-aggressiveness, and how I manage time for work and fun. Mostly I just try to do both at the same time.
I'm okay that I'm the nerd who always does her homework while we are watching movies.
My shoulder is acting up again, I can't type any more.
I'll write later.
It wasn't over a boy either.
It was because it's so hard to see my brother and sister going through such difficult times in their lives, and I can't do anything to make it better. I want to see them happy again. I want to see their smiling faces. I miss them.
My days are stressful, but with people whom I care about mostly. I have learned to talk out issues, to start dealing with my roommate's passive-aggressiveness, and how I manage time for work and fun. Mostly I just try to do both at the same time.
I'm okay that I'm the nerd who always does her homework while we are watching movies.
My shoulder is acting up again, I can't type any more.
I'll write later.
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