New Year! Happy 2011!

It's a NEW FREAKIN' YEAR! WOOT!
I'm happy because I honestly love beginnings!

I'm happy because I have decided/ realized a lot of ways to live my life from now on.

I have the power. This seems a little satanic but I want to make it true.
- Others do not have this "power" to control the way I live my life, or the way I feel as a person. I will not feel broken. I will not manipulated. I will not feel as if I am the only one giving and not receiving.
I am going to stick up for me. I am going to see the world as not only somewhere where I can create myself, but also shield myself against things that might shape me in crooked ways.
I am not going to let ANYONE make me feel vulnerable and less than amazing. If I feel any less than amazing it will be because I will have done something that isn't up to standard at how I carry myself; with class, dignity, self-respect, and love for others.
I am only one person. I can not possibly make ever person in my life happy. I need to focus more on making myself happy. I used to tell myself that the only way I could be happy, was by making everyone happy, but I need to live as if I am there to love everything around me. Maybe reading the "Serenity Prayer" will help with that, as in that there are some things that we have no control over and we have to accept that.
I love my friends, I love my family. I am going to practice showing them in healthy ways where I do not feel like I have to try to make everything perfect.

I am happy that I have so much support in my life. I can do anything. I am not only in control, but I am in control while being backed up with so much love and belief that I know that the moment I start slipping, I have those hands to catch me.

I could go on and on... there are little other things I have decided as well, but I'll share later on. The big, broad picture is there.
THIS YEAR.... IS ABOUT ME!
<3

I'm IN!

It's so refreshing to be a part of SAI officially now! I'm a sister, and I have a whole lot of them! I love them all in their own weird ways...
I have never had the feeling until now that even when the whole world is crashing in and everything seems to be going in opposite, confusing directions... it will be okay because I have all these girls who are here to love me, support me, and give me confidence. I don't know how I got so lucky to get Tatiana as a big sister. I feel like even if we weren't big & little, we would still be best friends. Not only do we have so much in common; hardworking, clean, silly, black-men loving, aqua & purple, motivators...but also she's just so helpful and supportive. I love her very much.

I need to write a paper now.. I just wanted to remember this happy night during DEAD WEEK! It's been a rough one, but ending quite nicely!
<3

Feeling odd...

It's just one of those days where it feels like the world is spinning off it's axis.
It's been quite a good day, and I'm not my normal "jumping for joy" self. I don't like it very much. Actually today rocked. No theory, pretend keyboarding class that turned into a private lesson, no symphonic band, and the library now carrying Seattle's Best Coffee... hello!? WAKE UP and smell the greatness of today...I also get to sing with my SAI future sisters tonight for our campus wide American Idol kind of thing, where we are the special guest performers for the end of the show.
I feel so out of it.
I think that I am just stressed and tired. I hope.
I remember feeling like today for a whole three months in high school... just uninterested in everything. I don't see how that could ever happen here, but I don't like this feeling.
I know the next time I look at this entry I might consider myself a little crazy, but right now I'm feeling that way.
Okay, I'm spacing out too much to write more.
Time to drink coffee and get focused.

SAI

Can I even begin to pretend to express how amazing my MITing of SAI is going? AMAZING!
These girls make me feel warm inside. These girls, they're real. Real loving, kind, understanding, helpful, funny, happy, amazing people. I've never felt so loved in my life.
I know it's because everyone wants to make us feel great about becoming their sisters, but still. I can see myself 20-30 years down the line laughing and chatting away with these girls.
Amanda W. is the bomb. She's always there for me. She's hilarious. She is very patient with me and these stupid passwords. hahah. She even bakes me cakes and plays in the leaves with me! Tonight we are coloring!
Katie Ruth gives the best hugs ever... awkwardly long, as we say, but neither of us find them awkward at all.- She's my Auntie!
Caroline W. is just the person I strive to be! She's so free-spirited, positive, and motivated. She is a hard worker, is honest, and isn't afraid to embrace her nerdiness.
Brianna loves owls, therefore, I love her... because I love owls.
My big, Tatiana R., is the best. I think a lot of the time she underestimates how great she really is, and sometimes that makes things weird between us. I let her know how much I love her though. :) Partying with her last weekend probably had to be the best yet of this semester. I also look up her a lot. She's so focused and hardworking on her music. She's going to be a great teacher.
Katie P. is my grand-big-sis. She's sooooo funny. I love how honest, and genuine(as she told me I was) she is. Oh yes, she is adorable as well.
I love others as well, but these are the people I'm around most. I'll post about others soon.

MY BROTHER CAME HOME, LIKE FOR GOOD, LAST NIGHT! I can't wait to see him on Friday!!!!!! It's been about two years since I've seen him,and it's been FAR too long!

Government homework, and then coloring... over and out.
<3

SAI- It's for life!

Two Sunday's ago I got a bid for SAI (Sigma Alpha Iota), the professional women's music fraternity. I am so very excited to be a part of their sisterhood... These girls are AWESOME! So kind, smart, talented, and hilarious. My roommate Madeline is one of these girls as well.
This past Sunday, I got my Big Sis! Her name is Tatiana, and she's a percussion major. I am so glad she is my big... she's pretty much a B.A( badass, not bachelor of arts) , and in a lot of ways, kind of like a twin to me. She got me a whole lot of fun stuff, including silly-band rings and skittles(YES), and she's been helping me with theory a bunch this week! Tonight she has a concert, including a solo or two, and I'm going to bring her roses (SAI's flower). I feel like a nerdy tween writing this blog entry, but it's a whole lot of fun which I can't even explain..no seriously, it's secret stuff. ;)
Music is taking over my life, and you know what, I'm not complaining. I love it.
I think I probably wrote that same thing in my last blog post, but it still stands true. I'm working very hard to get better, and become a well-rounded musician.
SO HAPPY!
Anyways, I need to send out some e-mails, go get some free coffee thanks to my old boss from last year, and get to studying.
PEACE OUT!

Throughout the day,
the blue skies make perfect sense,
but when I lay down to sleep,
the world won't stop spinning.

I wish I had some brain windshield wipers,
to clear foggy late night thoughts,
Make a path through the clearing.

You aren't the only one I see,
It's not supposed to be you and me.
You still pull at my heart,
Even though these are broken strings.

Throughout the day,
the blue skies make perfect sense,
but when I lay down to sleep,
the world won't stop spinning.

This hurricane is preaching,
Nothing more than words that will never be said.
I watched for you out the window,
but rain came instead.

Looking through the clouds,
Sun guiding,
I let go of your hand.
I let my arms up in the air, and embraced it.

Throughout the day,
the blue skies make perfect sense,
but when I lay down to sleep,
the world won't stop spinning.

The world won't stop spinning, spinning, spinning.

Short and Sweet.

So instead of writing my Spanish composition, I'm sitting here blogging for the first time this semester. Brr, the goosebumps on my legs are telling me I need to re-locate to a new spot.
Anyways,
First semester of sophomore year, oh my. It's quite an adventure, and an amazing one at that.
Music. It's a life to live, it's a major/minor that will kill you. I'm seriously loving every moment of it, well besides Ms. Brown, and I've never felt so busy in my entire life.
I am so lucky to have so many friends in the dept. to help out and also make it more enjoyable.
,
This whole, "Michael" thing still sticks out in my mind on days when I see him, or see his Phi-Mu-Alpha brothers, but sitting with my friend Allyson, who was broken up with about 3 weeks ago, today I had another one of my self-revelations.
- There's nothing I can do about what happened, more than just appreciate it for what it was. Accepting the fact that hopefully someday the both of us will find others who make us truly happy is necessary. There's no point of being jealous, because
1. it will not change anything, but maybe the chance of friendship that is possible.
2. It's not worth my time because if it was meant to be, there would be no competition; I would be a diamond compared to coal(the other girl).
So what's the verdict? I'm going to continue being happy, because I have been, and be happy for Michael and the girl as well.

Back to my paper... later.