HAPPPPPY CAPS!

So I have a tendency of only writing on here to relieve stress, but I now am ready to write on here to reflect on happy and great things in my life.
First of all, the sun was shining today; what an amazing gift!
My paper that didn't print wasn't due this morning, and my 8am class let out after about twenty minutes. I studied in the library and found enough change to buy coffee and a donut. Not the healthiest, but definitely tasty.
Work was pretty normal.. I helped set stuff up for all the presentations today, and then I talked to one of my new music friends who I happened to see.
After that was Music Business, which I was kind of just in a daze for because I was stressing about my Spanish oral exam right afterward. I Aced it though! Which started the amazingness of my day. After that I sat in the library and forgot to do work and sat on facebook.
I ended up seeing Erik there and talking to him in person for the first time since we broke up. I'm pretty sure I made him jealous of my life and next semester of college, which felt good, and also to know that we are cool trying to be friends
Then I went and met with my future clarinet teacher about my audition and he gave me advice on how to practice this summer and postponed my audition until the fall! I am so relieved that I don't have to do that during finals week and I have time to get my chops back into shape!
After that I went back to my room and worked on some Spanish and hung out with Lanna, which doesn't seem find to happen a lot these days so that was pretty fun. Following that I got to see ride Blue, my friend Morgan's horse for the second time today...and I got to even experience a canter! Wow! If that's not what you call an adrenaline rush, I'm not sure what is. I also got to learn how to saddle up and give him a bath just in case when I get good I can come out there by myself. :)
I really love riding, it's a lot of fun and also good exercise. I never realized how much leg muscle you have to have to be good at that sport! It's also pretty neat to experience the horse's personality in what he does and reacts to certain situations. :) Blue is such a good horse; I think I might end up loving his stubborn self.
After that was dinner with my friends Madeline(roommate next semester) and Brett. I love them both and hanging with them is always a good time.
Then Madeline and I watched Glee at the gym and worked out which got even more endorphins going!
I am going to bed before 1am, and this is a miracle as well.
All smiles; I'm pretty sure I love my life.
Summer is coming up so soon! Excited and also longing to stay in Murray. I'll be writing soon.. my outlook has taken a turn for the best! <3

Destress....

I can't even function right now.

Everything this week besides last night has just been hell. Thanks Brett for last night, even though I hope you never read this. You're such an amazing friend.

Starting with Erik and I's break up Monday, to last night Lanna telling me she doesn't want to room with me next semester... I can't deal.

I can't think anything more than just to think I'm a terrible person.

I love myself, but at this moment in time I'm feeling pretty terrible about my personality.

I told myself last time I wasn't going to let people affect me like that, but I had just finally gotten to the point where I let down some walls. Too soon I'm guessing.

I strip off a lot of wallpaper when I want someone to know the real me, but this time the actual walls had started to fall. Things never move slow enough.

I just wish one person in my life would just be completely honest with me and tell me what I'm doing wrong. If I knew how I hurt people around me that drives them away, I could work on fixing it. I don't ever mean to cause people pain.

1-2-3

This whole music thing is just the perfectly wrong thing to try to take on right now as well... AUDITIONS!? I've never done one in my life.

Chemistry is still piled up.

It's not Monday... why am I stressing out?

Oh yeah, I have a huge Spanish test tomorrow. Cool.

I feel empty. I feel like it's only going to get worse before it gets better.

I know I'm going to look at this weeks from now and feel ridiculous... but for now, I feel like I have legit reasons to be upset and stressed.

I'm working so hard right now not to take this out on others, and to keep my friendship with Erik. It's about time I grew up and finished my plate on my own. I can do this, it's just a very steep hill, and I keep slipping.

$$$

I hate money. It's just an object but one that causes stress like none other. I hate being broke, this never happens to me.

I am annoyed with my mom calling my brother to tell him about it.

" Get B's in your classes" blah blah blah... Like I'm not trying.. Okay.

I'm so glad that yesterday was good. Erik and I skipped rocks at the lake. :)

He helps me remember that silence can be good, and sometimes it's good not to think at a million miles a minute.

I love this weather. I could bask in it all day... too bad I have classes and tons of homework. I just need to get some chemistry done, and hopefully my news story done...then maybe I'll feel a bit better.

I really need to stop writing on here.

The Quad again.. :D

Today has just been one big ball of stress. Between forgetting my spanish test in my room, being restless all last night, and then realizing I owe the University about $1300 dollars for this semester I was almost about to pull my hair out.

- But I'm on the quad like in the fall. The wind is playing with my hair and my eyes are squinty from the sun. I can feel slight warmth and puppies are plopaying in fresh green grass. I couldn't ask for too much more. I want to go swimming today. I haven't been in a while and I feel like that might be a major stress reliever. The skies are so blue and clouds are just barely in existence.

I can just sit here writing with my headphones in watching people and their love for this weather as much as mine. Shorts, skirts, flip flops, sandals, bikes, hammocks, big sunglasses, and most importantly an amazing mix of noise and silence. Good sounds of laughter and skateboards, not sniffling noses(besides me and these dumb allergies of course) and snow-plows. Summer is almost here. I think that I need to go be active now. I need a spark to happen... I need that fire. Nice is always something great to have, but different is something that is almost a neccesity.

Time to shut my eyes and enjoy for a few. :)

So I've missed writing on here...

Augustana's "Sunday's Best" is playing the background right now. It makes me happy.

I finished all my Spanish homework, and I'm working on my humanities essay atm, along with some reading for that class.

I have so many thoughts just drifting around in my head though, so I thought why not to write them out.

-Lanna and I are drifting apart. I'm not really sure how, or why, but I never see her. She never texts me to hang out...or at all unless I text her first. I understand being busy, but I just don't understand having thirty seconds to give a friendly hello..or a thirty minute conversation over coffee. I am sick of feeling like this, and I feel like a lot of it is just me, but I guess I have high expectations of my friends.

-Lisa and I are a lot closer now. It's so hard to see her so sad and stressed during the week. I can't stand how Gonzo and Morgan treat her. It's not right. I just try to be there for her as much as I can because she is for me.

- Dating someone so close to summer is difficult. Especially when home is so far away from each other.

- I hope my sister gets this job she finds out today if she gets or not.

-I can't wait for my brother to be home this summer. I miss him a lot, and he seems so down right now. I just want to make him smile in person.

- I really could use some coffee right now.

-It's four-thirty. I need to seriously get some process on this paper before the Drag Show at 7pm that my boss is performing in. No one will go with me though...lame.

-I feel like the same thing is going to happen at my boss' party this coming weekend. Super lame.

Back to work, my mind is a little clearer and I've decided that getting coffee now is my best bet at getting through this paper.

A few, very few minutes to spare...

5 weeks left of my freshman year of college; crazy!

I have a new boy, and his name is Erik. He's a cute little country boy from Tennessee that makes me smile a lot.

I am protesting facebook once again this week to get work done and it proved to be affective last night as I got two news stories, a chemistry essay, and a chemistry test finished. I also got slightly started on my humanities paper.

Jesus, I don't understand when I will have a moment for air these next five weeks... I'm guessing this is why my boss warned me to get as much rest as possible on spring break.

Spring break was pretty relaxing since no one was in St.Louis friend-wise at least. I didn't get a lot of work done, but I did get to sleep a lot and enjoy the luxury of St.Louis food.

I am going to work so hard these last few weeks to pull off a good gpa. Erik is just going to have to deal and learn that he has to hang out with me when I am doing homework. lol

Yesterday we played soccer with a bunch of other guys and I made a fool of myself because I've never really played, but I guess we all got a good laugh out of it.

I can't wait until summer, but at the same time, I'm a little torn because of all the people I care about here. But, I mean, boats and pools everyday; it can't get better than that. :)

Time for class. :)

Sometimes I re-read past posts and wonder, " What the hell was I talking about?"
I swear that my brain just comes up with these very "hippie like" sayings and I put them down on here only to forget what they meant later.
Being more literal might be more effective.
I also would like to find different words to replace "anyways..."; it gets a little old after a while.
I hope that someday the critiquing of my own, and others writing gets somewhere in life.

This weather makes me feel not only warm on the outside, but also warm inside. I love it. I'm actually loving it so much, and wanting summer to be here so badly that I'm making a website called loveletterstosummer.webs.com . Hopefully I figure out how to make it possible for others to post on it... That would be awesome.
Time to be productive. :)